EURO-ENGLISH
ADOPTED BY THE
EUROPEAN COMMUNITY
"EuroEnglish"
(just a joke folks)
The European
Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which
was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what
will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be
used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news
with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k." Not only will this klear
up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
"ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent
shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach
the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage
the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful,
and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z"
and "W" by "V". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations
of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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