SEX
IN MARRIAGE
By
Pastor Steve Van NattanWe
discuss sex because the Bible writers clearly were inspired of God
to encourage
sexual enjoyment in the marriage chamber.
During
the 1970s I was a member of the Independent Fundamental Churches of America while
I pastored in California. The IFCA had pastors' meetings on a regular basis, and
I usually went. Sometimes there would be a good Bible message to charge our batteries,
and other times the leaders would bring in some high tooliemuck expert to discuss
something 90% of us didn't need. One time we had about two hours of instruction
in how to sort our mail.Weird, eh? Well,
for several years during my tenure there a pastor came to all the meetings, and
he imagined he was a first rate marriage counselor. His obsession was to get all
of us pastors to have a better sex life. Now, I get real nervous about men who
worry about my sex life, and they hardly even know me. I get the impression one
of two things is happening: 1.
The guy has a lousy sex life and gets a buzz out of hyping sex for everyone else.
OR
2. The guy has a raging
libido, a sex weary wife, and he gets a rush out of discussing his own sex life
in lofty terms-- a sort of exhibitionist evangelical, if you like.
This guy was forever pushing
books on good sex, and the leaders finally gave him the floor during a meeting.
He did everything but drop his drawers. He never actually SAID a word about his
sex life, but it was VERY clear that he was telling us all about himself and his
wife's exploits and "freedom." So,
I want to examine this subject without any of this kind of stupid mushy toying
about with lust. How
shall we do this? Simple:
Open the Word of God. Here
is what I have learned about what God thinks is good and bad sex in marriage:
TOPIC
ONE: SEX AND THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE:
1.
Whatever a husband and wife do in their bed chamber without shame is allowed.
How
can I say this? Simply because God made no laws or codes regarding sexual positions
and methods. As I mentioned elsewhere, we can learn some important answers to
troubling questions by noting what God does NOT talk about.
I have heard that a man
is not to come to his wife from behind like a dog. I could not find this in the
Old Testament. Maybe it is there in some wording I cannot find, so if you know
what I am talking about, send me the reference. Otherwise, we must not judge one
another in these things, nor do preachers have any business telling couples what
kind of sexual pleasure they can indulge. Of
course, some stupid men AND women do discuss these things outside of their marriages.
This is wicked and must stop at once. While Solomon and his wife discussed their
love for each other, there was no audience. I am sick of seeing husbands and wives
acting out affection for each other at the church house. I have to assume that
this is because they are NOT getting along at home.If that is not the reason,
then they are filthy exhibitionists and should be publicly rebuked. The church
house is NOT the bed chamber of the saints, so foreplay by married couples in
church is blasphemy. Galatians
3:27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there
is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
I once had an older Christian
man tell me his son-in-law was a nasty jerk. He told me the guy, "Doesn't know
which end to use." Well, I don't exactly know what that means to him, but two
things are clear. First, the young husband's wife was talking to Daddy too much.
This would destroy the family life of the extended family from then on. Secondly,
the young husband was not showing consideration for his wife. She felt shame at
whatever he was doing, and he should have learned to settle for what made her
happy. Shame is a powerful way to destroy a lady's sexual pleasure.
Having said that, one thing
is physically clear. Anal sex is unsafe. Bladder infections result very often,
and the lady is easily degraded since she is in no position to face her husband
or fully participate. It is indeed a doggie position. Also, the filth factor is
highly suspect. And again, God made the woman's vagina elastic and thick walled
so it could stretch and receive the male organ. The rectum is hard walled, and
it can be easily injured in anal sex. All
other options are, as we noted, not commented on by God or health and physiology
considerations.
2.
God discouraged sex during a woman's monthly period. Leviticus
15:24 And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall
be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.
Leviticus
20:18 And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover
her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain
of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.
God knows that there
is either an emotional moment here which will cause trouble for the wife, or there
is a physical hazard, or both. The lady's discharge of blood and an old egg is
a kind of elimination principle. This should be honored as such by the husband,
and the lady allowed to keep her troubles to herself at this time. 3.
Sex was not to be denied between a couple for very long. 1
Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a
time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again,
that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. This
wipes out all the pious and lofty reasons for a man to hit the road as a truck
driver or evangelist and leave his wife at home. God does not allow for it. If
you disobey, you are wicked. Either take your wife along, or stay at home buster.
4. It
is not honorable to leave work and obligations to other men to have sex if those
men are abstaining. 2
Samuel 11:11 And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide
in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open
fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with
my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.
Arab men, who are
acting as host to a large dinner feast, will sometimes excuse themselves, go to
their wife, have sex, and then return to finish their meal with their guests.
This is the result of the emphasis of the libido in Islamic cultures and the Arab
notion of virility. When a man or woman have guests, or if a task in progress,
it is the height of crudeness to leave to have sex while others carry on with
the matters at hand. We have heard of this, and it is the love life of adult brats.
5. God
meant sex to be a pleasure, even without the consideration of childbirth resulting.
Song
of Solomon 1:13 A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all
night betwixt my breasts.
Proverbs 5:19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts
satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Song of Solomon 7:8 I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of
the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and
the smell of thy nose like apples; Our
modern culture being different than Solomon's you men might want to be careful
about repeating this to your wife, about the smell of her nose that is. But every
wife gets delight from knowing her husband is ravished by her breasts. I also
note that there is a lot about sexual delight in Song of Solomon, but nothing
about having babies. God gave sex to humans for pleasure, with of without babies.
This is why married couples enjoy sex any time of the month, while nearly all
animals need to be stimulated by monthly cycles in the female. You are NOT an
animal, as some jerk evolutionists would like us to believe. 1
Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good
for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let
every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Husbands or wives
who are not stimulated by touching have a problem. I suggest reading Song of Solomon
together and acting out the scenes. If a young lady has had warped up-bringing
by parents who dirtied sex, this may be needed on the honeymoon. It would be a
useful Bible reading experience any time for any married couple.
Conclusion:
If you are married, ENJOY!
TOPIC TWO: IS VIAGRA
WICKED? We
will discuss vasectomies and tube tying another time. Briefly, this is only about
the Pfizer drug, VIAGRA. The following has been gleaned from a number of sources.
Viagra is a revolutionary
drug, but it was at first an accident. Pfizer was doing research on a new drug
for blood pressure. It did have some effect on the lower blood pressure number,
lowering it considerably. But, Viagra also had a strange side effect. It caused
men who were experiencing erectile disfunction to be able to have a full and lasting
erection when stimulated after taking the drug. Viagra
has to be taken about 20 minutes to an hour before sexual activity. The drug does
not cause an erection automatically, like some injections and cream applications.
Nor does it have the side effect of painful and long lasting erections. It is
as close to going back to youth as anything that has come along in this area of
trouble for married men. Viagra
is reported to do nothing for a man who has normal and successful erections and
who can complete copulation normally. But, one man reported having an erection
which lasted over an hour during normal foreplay, and some report that, while
the erection was back-to-youth, the response of copulation was still from the
present timing. This resulted in very long and satisfying play times before copulation,
as well as better control in bringing the wife to climax. Some men report that
their wives can call for the pill to be taken as a way of verbal foreplay and
excitement during the day. Also, if a man is tired, and if his wife wants a sexual
event, he can still perform and make her happy in spite of his weariness. Of course,
he will really be weary afterward. The
drug wears off in about six hours, and multiple erections, at normal intervals,
can be experienced. Side effects most common are a slight flushing of the face
and neck, some heart rate increase, and some men develop a blue tinge to their
vision until the drug wears off. While the side effects may be unnerving the first
time Viagra is used, the results in sexual satisfaction soon erase the fear of
side effects. Virtually no lasting side effects have been reported, and severe
reactions are rare. Interactions with other drugs are non-existent, unless Viagra
is taken with other blood pressure drugs frequently, or if it is combined with
nitric oxide attenuating drugs. Over
40 million men in the USA are using Viagra. It is used mostly by men about 45
years of age and older who no longer can complete a sexual experience with their
wife. Many men report literally returning to the sexual experiences of their honeymoon,
and many wives are delighted with the results. Now,
here is the rub. Millions of men are using Viagra in illicit affairs. Some of
these men could not retain an erection due to guilt over their promiscuous affairs.
God made the conscience of man so that it would interfere with sinful sex. Viagra
over-rides the guilt and lets them function normally. Other men simply could no
longer "hustle" whores anymore due to erectile dysfunction. With Viagra they can
spend the whole night in a red light district, popping Viagra to keep going. Repeating
Viagra over and over without a break is asking for problems, but there are horrible
stories of men running wild in this manner. So,
is Viagra wicked? Answer:
Only if it is wicked for an older man to still enjoy sex with the wife of
his youth. We
use all sorts of drugs to accomplish things which were not possible many years
ago.We would never condemn a Christian who took advantage of progress in medicine
in this way. So, why not bring back the joys of complete copulation in the Christian
bed chamber? In
fact, there are a lot of grumpy sex starved wives who should go buy some Viagra,
and give it to their husbands. It is not hard to get a prescription for Viagra
because Doctors know that there are nearly no side effects or complications with
it. One
draw back-- It is still somewhat expensive. So, buy the 100 mg size and
cut it in half or in quarters. All dosage sizes cost the same, and many men report
a good result with only 25 mg. The cost is not really that great a matter when
one figures that the drug will not be used daily by most people. Most couples
have a sexual event once or twice a week, so the cost is not like a drug being
taken every day. There
are some herbal possibilities, but you need to Google research of tests to see
real life results from herbs. It must be said though that the pharmaceutical companies
and the FDA will never admit that herbs can often do as well of better than drugs.
Check it out. Also, get your L-Arginine and L-Citraline up. You can buy these
bulk. Get off of drugs that are suspect and only treating numbers rather than
real sickness. Having
said that, beware of Yohimbe from Africa. Unprocessed, it can cause serious blood
pressure issues. This is one you should get as Yohimbine, a refined drug from
the pharmacy. This is a case where a drug company did men a favor and made the
herb safe. You
cannot accuse us at Blessed Quietness Journal of avoiding the issues :-)
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