Searching for the Truth in the King James Bible;
Finding it, and passing it on to you.

EDITOR:
Steve Van Nattan

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GOD STEALS HIS WIFE'S CINNAMON TOAST

And, he also stole her pickles. The perks of godhead are certainly abundant.

A story of intrigue and suspense.

That's right-- I heard this nice Mormon lady say so. She went into the kitchen while I was at work in the living room. Pretty soon, she yelled, "Hey, Harry, did you steal my cinnamon toast?" Harry, a god in training, laughed heartlessly.

It wasn't ten minutes later she yelled even louder, "Did you finish my sweet pickles? I had them right here in the frig for later. You stay out of my pickles." The god Harry laughed even louder. You know, it's getting hard to keep god out of the refrigerator, right?

Well, I don't know about you, but I don't want to go to heaven where the god Harry is running around stealing our pickles and toast. I think that Mormons need to be very careful which heaven they end up in. There are some pretty disreputable gods in the making in our neighborhood. Maybe the Mormon church ought to think about putting some of these gods on probation. If they don't shape up, they could be assigned, by special dispensation, to a heaven where there is no food to steal. Or, these toast stealing gods could be banished to a heaven where there is only mustard greens and salt pork to eat.

Certainly the great presiding Potentate of the Bailiwick in Salt Lake City could get that item from the high muckity muck tin plated god who has sent them six miles of revelation in the past 150 years. Certainly the Mormon god must want all future gods to have toast and pickles.

By the way, Harry the god had a consort of the divine libido in another city far away. This is the way of the future. Since the old fashioned US Government allows only adultery but, not polygamy, Mormons are finding that they can marry two or three women, even an old maid's sanitarium, by keeping them in different locations. They visit on the week ends, and nobody is the wiser. "I had to go fix the plumbing for my aunt in Phoenix."

Also, some are keeping wife number two in a nearby mobile home. She is passed off as a cousin, and the god in training can better populate his future heaven by keeping her barefoot and pregnant. Isn't the moronic kingdom of Moroni something amazing. Such innovations on godhead have seldom been dreamed of in far off Tibet or in the Congo.

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Editor: This is obviously not an accusation that all Mormons behave like this. It is simply good to lighten up and see where our creeds could take us.

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